It's been a while since I felt like posting on my blog. In fact I haven't been writing anything at all for the last few months. I'm going a bit crazy with perfectionism, wanting my blog and myself to be perfect enou gh. But here's a confession, I'm not perfect. So this is a quick and proudly imperfect post. I've collected a few links to let you know what's been going on with me: 1. I've been on a healing journey which is still underway. Read a bit more about it in my guest post over at the beautiful Manic Mrs. Stone. 2. I was fascinated to discover this blog post written by someone on the same medication as me. "I would write things, but I didn't really care about them. My muse was taking a vacation." Um, yeah. 3. " I feel like I am going through a massive change right now." I resonated so much with this post by the gorgeous and divine Goddess Leonie. And this one too. Big transformation time. 4. Some deep soul work with a psychotherapist and learning the teachings of the medicine wheel in the Spring session of SouLodge have been teaching me that I need to live my life with honesty and openness. Steve Pavlina hit the spot when he asked " Why are you hiding?" But it's left me finding it difficult to write because openness scares the willies out of me. What is open enough? What is too open? How do I find the balance? 5. I printed out this post on Radical Self Love as a reminder that there is nothing I need to be doing except experiencing each moment. It's a terrifying thought for those of us used to proving our worth through achievement. 6. One of my fascinations is why we so often resist healthy eating and exercise, even when we enjoy them. Leonie writes about her experiences here. I've been doing this myself a lot recently, doing the things that I know will make me feel worse - too much caffeine, alcohol, sugar - and avoiding the things that will make me feel good. The next step on my journey isto join in the Radiant Goddess course (this is an affiliate link which means I some lovely moolah if you choose to join the course). I won't be going fully raw or vegan, that's just too much pressure right now, but I will be taking positive steps to reduce caffeine and sugar, and eat foods that make me feel amazing. Yay, I've finally written a post!Big love and joyful imperfection Charlotte
Thank you so much to Dominee at BlessingManifesting for posting this on facebook this morning!
I had a bonkers-crazy-stressful week last week, both at work and at home, and it finished on Friday with some terrible news, so I was feeling pretty raw and empty. I felt like I had to take away other people's pain, when I didn't have the inner resources to do it.
So I was deeply grateful to see this quote on facebook this morning. Because not only does it give me something to aim for - to be the rainbow in the clouds - I also realised that this is ALL I can do. I cannot take the clouds away anymore than a rainbow takes the rain away.
As a highly sensitive and empathic intuitive person, I take on so much of other people's pain that it can almost bury me. So it feels like my job to do whatever it takes to remove that pain. As a child I always felt that it was my job to keep my parents happy and now as an adult I take it upon myself to keep my whole family happy. But it doesn't work. Everyone needs to work through their own pain and everyone has to be responsible for their own happiness.
All I can do is be there for them and be a rainbow in their clouds.
And there is a darker side to trying to keep everyone else happy: I expect them to keep me happy in return.
So my self care today is to put down the self-imposed burden of everyone else's health and happiness, and to take responsibility for my own.
What is your heart asking you for? Be quiet for a few minutes and listen. Be kind to yourself today.
This is the vision board that I created for when I first started thinking that I could really run my own business, while I was on maternity leave last year. I keep it on the wall by my desk at home. It is a reminder not only of the message and vision that I want to share with Fearless Fitness, but also the way I want to live my whole life. A reminder that exercise and connecting with our bodies can be a form of play, of spirituality and of self expression. I want to change the way that we think about exercise and our bodies and lift it up to something playful and sacred.
I can feel that great changes are happening in my life. There's a new energy and I wake up most mornings excited about the day ahead. I am walking this path with a smile on my face, and I have so much that I want to share. Stay tuned, subscribe, sign up for my newsletter (coming soon!) and let's change the world together.
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams
W.B. Yeats
There's a reason why these words by Yeats have become so famous that we have all heard them, even if we don't know who wrote them. Sharing your dreams feels like opening your soul to the world, naked and vulnerable. But a dream that is kept a deep, dark secret is a dream that can never come true.
This week I shared my journey to becoming a personal trainer with someone I admire and trust. His reaction - wide-eyed "why would you want to do that?" - did not particularly surprise me, as it is a reaction I've had many times. But it did remind me of the reasons why, for almost a decade, I rarely shared this dream with anyone. It was my secret. I imagined that people would laugh internally, even if they didn't show it to my face. Who was I, shy, unconfident and ridiculously overqualified, to have such a dream?
My word for this year is "OPEN" and one of the things I've been consciously being more open about is what I want to do with my life. Who I am and what my deepest heart longs for.
My life has changed in a very short time since I began openly sharing my dreams. And the more I have risked sharing my dreams, the more open and confident I have become about them. It is a powerful way to reveal your true self to the world. And I have received more support, love and encouragement than I ever believed possible.
What are the big dreams that you are not sharing?
Maybe you long to learn to dance, but you feel too old and heffalumpy to admit it and show up at a dance class.
Maybe you watched your friend running a 5 km race and realized that you'd love to do the same, but think everyone would laugh at you if you tried.
Maybe you dream of being a writer, but feel too shy to share your writing with anyone.
Maybe in the past you risked sharing a deep longing, intention or Big Dream with someone, only to have them dismiss it, laugh at it or indeed basically piss all over it? It's a horrible feeling, as if they have dismissed you, laughed at you and, let's not imagine the rest. Often, it can be the total death of that particular dream or goal, because you believe them.
Or maybe you shared your big dreams once before, and then failed. And now you're scared of failing again, in case people say "I told you so", or just sigh and look pained.
Open your heart
If you've been used to keeping your true self a secret for many years, it takes time, practise and encouragement to start revealing what feels so risky. But if it's fear of opening your heart that is holding you back from your dreams, there is only one thing that you can do.
Take the risk.
Because each time you risk opening your heart about your desires, it becomes a little easier.
Each time you take that risk, you become a little bolder.
Each tiny piece of encouragement makes your heart expand and grow.
Each positive reaction will send your spirits soaring.
You will give those you share with the permission to risk opening up too.
You will discover unexpected people with the knowledge, experience or material objects that you need.
You will find that people are more willing to help than you ever thought possible.
And each time you share your dream out loud, it becomes a little more real, a little more concrete and a little closer to coming true.
And best of all, your dreams will start to come true.
Does and Don'ts for sharing your dreams
Learning to open up and share my deepest dreams has been a long and painful road to travel. So I want to share some of things that I've learned so that your road can be smoother.
1. Don't immediately believe the reaction of the first person you tell.
You have a tiny, fledgling dream, and you screw up all your courage to share it with someone special and….they laugh. What? You? You could never (do a triathlon, travel through India, sing on stage, become a doctor). You never stick at anything. Why would you even want to do that?
This reaction is about them, not you. It doesn't mean that your dream is stupid, it means that you told it to the wrong person. Don't give up. Try again until you find the right person or people who will support you.
2. Don't keep sharing your dreams with the same people (unless they're supportive)
Often, we have key people we share our dreams with, probably those closest to us, our spouse, parents, or best friend. And if they are the wrong people, however much they love you, they will keep on treading on your dreams. Some people are just not going to be supportive unless you do what they think you should do and if you keep on asking for their approval, your dreams are going to stay as mere dreams.
I'm saying this twice because it's so important: This reaction is about them, not you. It doesn't mean that your dream is stupid, it means that you told it to the wrong person. Don't give up. Try again until you find the right person or people who will support you.
3. Don't expect negative people to become suddenly glowingly positive
See 1. and 2. Choose who you share it with wisely, at least at first, until it stops being a dream and becomes a solid plan that you're going through with no matter what. Once you start to laugh at their negative reactions and say (silently or out loud) "I'll show you, just wait and see", then you KNOW you're on your way.
4. Don't wait for other people to give you permission
Believe in yourself. No one I knew believed I could actually train for and complete a triathlon. I did it anyway. And it was one of my life-time highlights.
5. Do be as bold as you can
People are more likely to react positively to a definite statement that you put your full self behind than a tentative, doubtful one. And stating something with conviction
6. Do find a supportive circle of friends
In real life and online, people who will support your dreams and goals are worth gold. If you can't find anyone "live", there are so many incredibly inspiring blogs, books and movies that can give you an amazing boost. Imagine that the characters are your virtual friends. Join an online community such as the Goddess Circle, where you can share your soul knowing you will receive nothing but support and encouragement. Or share them with me, I LOVE hearing other people's dreams.
7. Do support other people's dreams and goals
If you're negative about other people and their big dreams, chances are you're using the same criteria to judge yourself. Move into a mindset of possibility, joy and permission, and you'll see the results blossom into your own life. And you will start to hear amazing things about other people that you had never imagined.
8. Do expect amazing surprises and exciting serendipities
It's not only the encouragement and cheerleading that I have received that have been incredible. I've also had concrete offers of help, people sharing their expertise and experiences and people who want to work with me. No one has offered me actual hard cash yet, but it feels absolutely possible.
What are the dreams and goals that you have been keeping a secret? What dreams have you shared that other people's reactions have made you hide them once again?
Found this post in the draft folder of my old blog Round the Bend (check it out, it's the story of my first triathlon and some of it is very funny).
This dream seems to want to be shared, rather than left languishing there.
Written on 3 November 2011:
I dreamt of swimming last night. In my dream I started off struggling and having difficulty breathing and feeling so slow and uncomfortable, as I do in real life when I try to swim crawl. Then suddenly, I remembered that I had to use my arms to propel myself forward, instead of using them to keep myself afloat. And when I trusted myself to stay afloat, when I focussed on moving forwards, I was able to swim. It felt good, I felt amazing. And I woke up feeling great because I could swim.
I often dream about triathlon, this is not a new thing for me. I always enjoy those dreams, because in my dreamworld, I'm an athlete.
Then later in the day I began to wonder whether that dream was really about swimming at all. Maybe it was a handy metaphor that my brain was using to try and tell me something about my life. Because this is exactly where I am in my life at the moment. I'm fighting and using up all my energy just to stay afloat, and so I have nothing left to propel me forward. I feel like I'm drowning, I can't breathe enough, I'm panting and my heart is pounding. Because I don't trust that I will stay afloat. I don't trust life to support me. I believe that if I stop fighting for a single moment, I'll sink and drown. And maybe that's not true.
This is the first in an ongoing series for everyone who, like me, tends to put everyone else's needs, health and happiness before their own. I woke up this morning feeling so under the weather, the result of too much raw garlic in the hummus last night, a can of beer and a restless night's sleep full of anxious dreams. I was longing , just for once, for someone to look after me. Normally, seeing my family happy and healthy is enough to make me happy too. But I've been burning the candle at both ends and not taking care of myself. I realised that I needed to put myself first, even if it was just for half an hour.
All it took was a hot bath (with the door closed, no little hands playing in the water as I washed), a coffee, water and paracetemol brought by my husband, and then 20 minutes napping on the sofa in the sunshinge while my son slept across my chest. I felt restored and like a new woman. And I realised I need to do this regularly, make it a part of my routine and to-do list.
Sometimes we need to refill the well, so that we can continue to give to others. As a working mother, I want to spend as much of my non-working time as possible with my children and there is rarely a time when I am not either caring for children or working. Even this post is being written at the same time as everyone around me is getting ready to go out and keep shouting questions at me! I love being the lynchpin of the home, but eventually I'll have nothing left to give.
So here it is, self-care Sunday. Sunday works perfectly for me, but you might choose Me-time Monday or Restoring Thursday. All that matters is an hour, or more if you can, where your needs come first. As I run out of the door today, I've made sure that I am clean, calm and a little restored. It's a good
What are you going to do to take care of YOU today?
It's cold outside. Really really cold. The cold of snow and ice and sledging and red noses.
and yet...
My body can feel that the spring is on its way. The deepest darkest days are over and things are beginning to stir again. The days are lengthening. It's light when I leave for work and still light when I head home. On the windowsill in my office, a pot of daffodils is blooming. And I find myself craving lighter, greener food and waking up earlier. I have a deep craving to be outside. And my body wants to move.
In December and January, my body really doesn't want to move. It needs to eat, rest and curl up in warm places like a hibernating bear. And you know what? That's perfectly ok. I believe in honouring the ancient rhythms of my body. I'm learning to recognise the times when I need to rest and the times when I crave being outdoors and moving.
We're not encouraged to do this in our society. School and work hours are the same in Winter as they are in Summer. We have to force ourselves to get up in the dark and spend the daylight hours shut indoors in an artificially lit, over-heated environment, and then wonder why we feel so exhausted all the time. Until I consciously began to think about this, I didn't pay any attention to what I was feeling, just told myself to stop being such a lazy/useless/waste-of-space and get on with it.
In the Northern Hemisphere, it's somehow traditional to decide to eat less and exercise more on January 1st, at the darkest, coldest time of the year when all our bodies want to do is store carbohydrates and curl up under the duvet. And then we beat ourselves up for "failing" (again).
Don't do this to yourself. Begin to notice your rhythms and pay attention to them. See what they are telling you.
Rest if you need to. And as the days begin to lengthen, you will start to feel the energy returning.
Rest is such a big theme in my life at the moment. I need lots of it in order to heal and be well, and I need to allow myself to take it. I'm typing these words in bed, while my son naps beside me - my favourite way to work. I'm learning to trust myself, trusting that if I let myself rest when I need to, I won't stay resting forever. Spring is on its way.
Did you see my post over at goddessguidebook.com (a dream come true in itself)? There I wrote about my experience of filling my 2012 workbook, the things that came up for me as I planned my year and my intentions for how I want to live my life. In the workbook there is a gorgeous numbered list for you to write 100 things to you want to do in 2012 - there are mine! Even if you don't have a copy of the workbook, writing down 100 things you want to do this year, huge, tiny, important and silly is delicious fun and wonderfully eye opening. The rules: they have to be things that make your heart SING and not a gloomy to-do list. If something fills your soul with dread or makes you want to curl up in fear, it doesn't make it to the list. (The kind of trepidation that makes your heart beat a little faster with excitement and challenge is perfectly ok). Once you get past about 15 or 20, it gets more difficult and you find yourself digging deeper and deeper into your true desires. Here's a slightly edited version of my list: 1. Go to England (I haven't been home since Christmas 2009!!!) 2. Go to Portugal 3. See my friend and her new baby 4. Get another tattoo 5. Juggle 5 balls 6. Swim in the ocean (haven't been to a beach since Summer 2008) 7. Dye my hair red 8. Take a break from caffeine 9. (private) 10. Walk up to the top of the Crischona check spelling 11. Go sledging ( doing this TODAY!) 12. Visit Barcelona 13. Try wakeboarding or surfing 14. Grow my hair long (not sure about this one anymore) 15. Write every day 16. Get a DSLR camera 17. Listen to more music (doing this) 18. Do the Artist's Way again (started this) 19. Work with Goddess Leonie 20. Spend all summer at the swimming pool with my children 21. Have a dinner party and cook! 22. Brush up on my Portuguese 23. Get a decent desk lamp and chair 24. Paint in an art journal (doing this) 25. Work from home and/or 26. Work 50% 27. Reach out to others who are anxious/depressed 28. Go horse riding 29. Go to a gig 30. Get gorgeous new bedding 31. and a new mattress 32. Run the Basel (half-)marathon 33. Go dancing all night 34. Try acupuncture 35. Swim with dolphins 36. Speak Swiss German with Swiss people 37. Find some fabulous biker boots 38. Buy a house 39. Love what is 40. Watch "The Rum Diary" 41. Celebrate the Sabbats (began with Imbolc) 42. Swim in the Rhine 43. See an angel 44. Watch ballet with J 45. Only wear clothes which make my heart sing 46. Try pole dancing 47. and belly dancing 48. Go to London 49. Find my spiritual mentor 50. Start my own business 51. Buy a pasta machine for R 52. Go camping 53. Win a competition - running or writing? 54. Pierce something (belly button?) 55. Get a pet 56. See A 57. Wear more purple (doing this) 58. Find a yellow running cap 59. Swim in an Alpine lake 60. Fly a kite 61. Start my personal trainer diploma 62. Be a total hippie 63. Speak only my truth 64. Drink green smoothies 65. Take lots of naps 66. Make my bedroom into a sanctuary 67. Be my own superhero 68. Write a gratitude list every day 69. Pray 70. Play - only do what feels easy and joyful 71. Eat more fruit, veggies and green things (doing this) 72. Do 10 pull ups 73. Find my writing voice 74. Visit Glastonbury Tor and the Tristan stone 75. Have a posh picnic with a rug and hamper and sandwiches 76. Make a microloan on kiva.org 77. Ask for goats, toilets and midwife kits for my birthday in 2012 78. Drink tea from a teapot 79. Travel to a country I've never been to before 80. Slackline 81. (private) 82. Spend no money on Amazon (whoops!!) 83. Grow my own herbs 84. and lots of flowers 85. Play bass guitar 86. Buy sexy underwear 86. Get my own tool kit (My daughter pointed out that there are in fact two number 86s...I love how they are total opposites!) 87. Feed the ducks 88. Make new friends outside of work 89. Write Thankyou letters and cards 90. Do yoga 91. Meditate under an oak tree 92. Go down the big slide at the swimming pool 93. Watch a football match live 94. Cycle to work 95. Have sex 96. Blog my sparkling, magical, hippy life 97. Cuddle my children as much as possible 98. Harbour only kind thoughts about myself 99. And about others 100. Start doing my soul's work for this life. What are your goals, desires and dreams for 2012? What's going on your list?
 When something feels like a struggle, a drag or just too hard, what does it mean? Does it mean that you're a lazy, undiscipline sloth-like creature? Or does it mean that this particular thing, whether it's a fitness plan, a project or a new hobby, is just wrong for your right now? Maybe it was right for you in the past, and maybe it will be again in the future, but right now? Could it be wrong for you?
This post is about looking in to your deepest self and honouring whatever you find there.
A few months ago, I signed up to do a CrossFit Level 1 training course. At the time I was still on my Magical Maternity leave, full of enthusiasm and energy, beginning a path to regaining my fitness after pregnancy and childbirth. I thought that the fact that this English-speaking training had shown up right on my doorstep (a rarity in this small corner of Switzerland) was a sign, and something I mustn’t pass up on. I paid my deposit and downloaded my course materials and waited with excitement… And then, time passed. I went back to work. Time with my children became a precious luxury. My energy levels plummeted and it became harder and harder to do the things I know I need to do to keep myself mentally, physically and spiritually healthy. I slowly tried to work Crossfit-style exercises into my life. I looked for Olympic weight bars, found places I could practise my pull-ups, did push-ups and squats and sit-ups in my living room. I started to run again and “lifted heavy things”. And it felt HORRIBLE. It felt wrong. And it felt like exactly the opposite of what I need right now. Right now, I am on a healing journey. A difficult pregnancy, a traumatic birth experience, 8 months of breastfeeding and trying (not very successfully) to come to terms with returning to work have been hard. Hard, hard, hard. I need to honour that. Right now, I want to spend my spare time cuddling my baby, spending time with my daughter as she prepares to start school, taking them both for long walks, showing them trees and birds and horses. I want to do gentle stretching and yoga without feeling like I “should” be doing more. I want to write and paint and take delicious photographs and pour my heart into my dreams for the future. I want to eat wonderful food and not worry about body fat percentage or how many pull ups I can do. My heart and body are crying out for healing, self care and gentleness. They are not in a place where I can do CrossFit. This is nothing against CrossFit. I think CrossFit is awesome and amazing. I love the whole philosophy and movement towards functional strength and fitness. But it’s not what I need right now. This is a hard thing for me to admit. I pride myself on being tough and sporty and pushing through pain. Being "the sporty one" is a part of my identity. I thought that as soon as I recovered from my Caesarian, I would be dying to leap back into a full fitness training programme. I thought I’d be running again, maybe do a few shorter races this year, get back into triathlon next year. I tried to force myself to do it, even though all my deepest instincts told me NO. I thought that if I wanted to teach women about fitness and health I had to take a traditional path of personal training qualifications and certificates. But what I discovered is that what I really want to teach women about is JOY. Since I made the decision to quit my CrossFit course (for now), I feel as though a huge cloud has lifted from me. My energy has shifted. I once again have a clear vision of where I’m going. I do not want BareEarth Fitness to be a run-of-the-mill personal training or fitness website. It is so much more than that. It is about holistic, loving fitness, caring for your whole self, living and loving life to the full. Ask yourself: where am I right now?What is it that I need? How can I best honour my Self, my body and my needs? What brings me joy, and what makes me feel icky and stuck? And from that place, take yourself outside, into the fresh air, the sunshine or the rain, alone or with people, moving your body in whatever way feels amazing to you. That is what fitness is, what wellness is, and what self love is. You are beautiful, just as you are. Your body knows what it needs if you learn to listen. Stop pushing yourself with shoulds and punishment, and start choosing to honour your Self. It goes against everything we’ve been taught, everything we’re told and yet, if you let yourself, you will know that it is the truth. And you will slowly, but surely, begin to shine out your true, glorious, miraculous inner beauty to light up your world.
It's Day 2 of 30 days of inspiration. Have you heard of Endangered Species? It's an international summit, launched in March 2011 with the aim to save future generations of girls from the misery that turns women against their own bodies. The challenge – to make people understand how and why this is an emergency, to show them how they can do something about it, and to inspire them to embrace change. Incredible facts from the Endangered Species website, which ring so very sadly true:
“Grazia magazine questioned 5,000 women in over 20 cities throughout the United Kingdom.
The results show the extent of the 'body hatred' epidemic amongst women. This affects everyone and endangers ourselves and the next generation.
Endangered bodies here and now:
The survey shows the average British woman worries about the size and shape of her body EVERY 15 MINUTES - more than men think about sex (every 20 minutes).
Only a tiny 2% of women in the UK are 'happy with their body and more than seven out of 10 women think 'their whole life would improve GREATLY if they had a good body' (71%).
Almost a THIRD of British women say they 'constantly worry about their body - every waking minute' (29%).
They put their whole body under the microscope and are dissatisfied with every part of it - 87% hate their 'podgy thighs', 79% are unhappy with their 'waist', 65% are disappointed with 'the size and shape of their boobs', the same number are 'unhappy with their feet' (65%), 59% are 'unhappy with their face', 59% are disappointed with their 'hands/fingers', 57% are 'unhappy with their teeth', 56% say their hair is 'thinnish', 62% dislike their 'neck', 63% say their 'arms are chunky', 64% say their 'legs are chunky' and HALF say they've got 'Muffin tops' (51%) - podgy roll(s) sticking out over the top of their waistband.
The only part of their body British women seem reasonably pleased with is their 'slimmish ankles' (54%).
They will try ANYTHING to lose weight. Incredibly, more than a THIRD of British women have used 'slimming pills' of one kind or another (34%) and 20% have taken 'laxatives'. A THIRD have tried 'fasting' (31%), 37% 'exercise excessively' to lose weight and SIX out of 10 women 'skip meals' (56%). SEVEN out of 10 women are so diet savvy they can 'look at a plate of food and say how many calories there are on it' (66%).
Of course this is not unique to the UK. The problem of body hatred is felt keenly around the world.”
How does reading this make you feel? Sad? Hopeless? Are you nodding along in agreement?
What I feel as I read this is "WHAT A WASTE!" What a waste of time, energy, beauty, lives. How would the world be different if we used this energy for good. There is only one way to begin to change this and this is with ourselves. One woman at a time, we can choose to love our glorious, miraculous, imperfect bodies. And in doing so we inspire other women to do the same. Let's change the world.
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